Wednesday, November 24, 2010

ONANI 14 : HOLLYWOOD MY ASS

Stating the obvious = almost all cool, romantic, heart pounding, heart stopping scenarios in Hollywood movies are all bulcrap. In fact, they turn out to be quite the opposite in real life. Suddenly had a recollection of events i personally went thru myself that was supposed to turn out exactly like a Hollywood scene but ends up getting ripped apart by reality.

1. Hitting(ngorat) on a girl in a restaurant with witty humor then getting laid:

HOLLYWOOD = Downey Jr, Affleck, that Hugh Grant guy does this without fail.

REALITY = A cute Secret Recipe waitress asked if she could take my empty plate. I said she could take my heart too if she wanted....I guess having her stare at me in bewilderment with a sliver of fear in her eyes is better than getting a sexual harrasment suit up my ass.


2. When a car is sent flying it lands perfectly back on the road with cool sparks shooting beneath the vehicle.

HOLLYWOOD = Available in almost every movie that has a car chase scene in it, usually the one's involving tough NY cops.

REALITY = my Perodua Kancil melambung di depan pejabat pos pusat bandar Shah Alam due to poor road conditions. no sparks and cool landings. Just a humiliating 50m walk from my car towards where the rim cap terpelanting to collect the detached piece.


3. Dramatic come back in sports despite unbelievable odds (coupled with inspirational music).

HOLLYWOOD = Mighty Ducks, Rocky, Goal 1 & 2, u name it. From poverty to riches, from a 1000 points down to extra time victories, from relegation to legendary glories!

REALITY = Joined a futsal tournament representing my office against other companies. Got our ass kicked in the group stages, won only one match and got thrashed 6-1 by members of a sewage company that participated under the humiliation inducing name of Sisa Pepejal! And the inspirational music? Yeah, The futsal center was playing a marathon of Justin Bieber songs...

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