ONANI 13 : END OF A LIFE

Tonight is my second night staying overnight with grampa at the hospital. He has stage 3 cancer and is undergoing treatment, fighting tooth and nail to win this battle which doctors estimate would end after a year or so.. not in my grampa's favor...

Moving on, add these 2 nights to the numerous times i've visited this hospital, it becomes a regular thing to see people, family, lovers, slumped on the floor. Crying in anguish upon realization that most likely a loved one has passed or will unavoidably be taking his or her leave from this world...

Which got me thinking for a split second as i walked towards ward 14 where my grampa is at. I asked myself..

"I wonder when would my turn come to cry?"
"Would i cry as bad as some of them?"
"or would life just pass as if nothing happened?"
"Would someone cry for me too if i passed?"

It didn't help that barely a few weeks ago me and my buddies had just lost one of our dearest lecturers who seemed to be in the best of health, to a heart attack if i was told right. My last conversation with him ended with us promising to go out for a drink next time we meet.

.....next time we meet. not even an 'if' in the sentence. Such confidence we have in avoiding death that we don't realize it but we think and speak like immortals every time. Ignoring the fact that we are so small and just from a snap of a finger from fate or God himself, we're done.. Literally like a candle in the wind. It just takes one lousy gust and that's it. Lights out. All the things we worked for, loved for, lived for, all comes to nothing. Abruptly ending, so easily, yet we don't even take notice of the possibility..

And what's worse is we continue to sin despite all the possibilities. Despite the fragility of our existence we continue to recklessly live like there's always a tomorrow. Am no saint myself so i'll have to admit that as much as i can i hope to keep in mind this feeling of awareness, that death is always around the corner. In hopes i might live better.

Life is indeed a journey to be celebrated, but death also deserves to be remembered, for it would shape the kind of journey you take, to that final destination at heaven or hell's gate.